June 19th- post run

It's amazing the things you can learn in such a sport span of time.

 

I went for a run today. I had to force myself to get up from my nap and get out of the door. I recently started a new medication for the migraines I have been getting and it makes me sort of sleepy- and whoops, sort of took it a bit too early in the day. Oh well, live and learn. I would be lying if I said the last 12 months have been easy for me, but I also have to learn to put everything in perspective. Runs have a way of doing that for me.

 

The thing is, I am healthy. I am single, and I am very lucky. It's about darn time I realize that. I was reading a blog today of a girl who recently got out of a tumultuous and unhealthy relationship. She discussed how freeing it was to go on a road trip with her friends and not have to check in with anyone or worry about staying out too late. I remember feeling the same way when I got out of my relationship. I think that when you meet the right person and when you are in a healthy relationship, you want to hear the other person's voice at the other end of the phone, but when it becomes a burden, yea, not good. Anyway, tangent...

 

I am trying to embrace being single and not yet having to worry about having to tend to children or a schedule. I went for a nice run tonight where about four minutes in, I stopped by to say hello to friends, eight minutes in, I picked up a new jogging water bottle, and halfway through, I stopped by the Capitol for a stretch. After my run I stopped to pick up some prescriptions from CVS, and then I cooled down with a slow jog home. Sure, it all took a few hours, but I also ran a few miles and got a lot done. I came back feeling so fulfilled.

 

Along the way I had the chance to buy $.75 lemonade from two adorable girls, say hello to old friends (and steal a few of their tortilla chips), take in the beauty of the Capitol, the White House, and fall back in love with DC, and I was again reminded at how lucky I am to live in this city and have my health. This is not to say that DC is only filled with amazing people- I did get yelled at by a bicycist- clearly he should try running, it's more therapeutic. :) I also passed by a family pushing a severly disabled boy in a wheelchair with a lot of physical deformities hooked up to an oxygen tank, and my stomach ached for all of them. Just as I was about to walk into my building, I passed a grandfather pushing what appeared to be his own grandson in a wheelchair and I again had that pain in my stomach. While it is true that my grandparents are ill, I cannot even imagine the pain a parent must go through when a child is sick- the helplessness they must feel. I pray that I never have to go through that and that no one I am close to has to go through that- and I wish no one EVER had to go through that. I have to be honest, I felt so embarrassed that just a few hours earlier I had been complaining that my new migraine medicine forced me to run shorter distances, slower times, and to refrain from drinking alcohol. I was complaining about lifestyle adjustments and so many people will never even get to take a step, better yet go for a run. How silly that all seems now.

Life is funny. Sometimes we wish time would pass quickly- from weekend to weekend, the days leading up to an exotic vacation, finding out the results of an important test. 

And then there are those times when we hang onto every moment for dear life- wishing time would stand still- in the highs of a weekend when an out of town friend visits or the rare moments of extreme happiness and everything feels right in the world- the birth of a child, a wedding, finishing a big race; and then there are the lows, but equally important moments we want to cling to- when a friend or relative nears their final days.

Last night I finished my year of law school (well, technically not the first since I have 3 more years, and I haven't fulfilled all 1L requirements, but it's close enough). It's a bit of an anticlimactic feeling at the moment because I still have to wait for grades to find out exactly whether I'm still in school- or if I did well at all. I feel like I aced my exams, but that also could mean I failed them- ha.

I also met a guy a few weeks ago and yet again, I really liked this one. I will call this guy "perfect on paper," because holy moly is he perfect on paper. He is age appropriate (shocking), a lawyer, an ex-soccer player, a current runner, and a halfsie member of the tribe. Perfect on paper has NEVER translated to perfect (or even mildly descent in real life), so I wasn't expecting much. As it turns out, my expectations were exceeded. He was adorable, smart, and interesting. We had a lovely walk through the zoo and I left feeling excited and hopeful for a second date. Two days later, my wish was granted and grabbed a few drinks. On our walk back, we had our first kiss in front of the zoo. He's quite the charmer. He left a few days later for a trip and he called and texted most of the days he had been away. And then nothing for a few days once he was back. I reached out and we eventually went on another walk followed by another date the next night which included dinner. He went away on another business trip- I got a phone call, a few texts, and then he returned and nothing. I knew he had a LOT of work to get done before he left again, but ...

While I am patient, I am not stupid. On our last phone call on his trip he "promised to see me over the weekend he returned." I hate when people make promises so I followed that up with "don't make promises you can't keep." And he assured me this was one he could keep. He returned on a Friday and by Sunday night, I decided it was time to confront the guy. He was very hot and cold and his personality is the kind that burns fast and hard..and fades.

He essentially told me he's unsure and had met someone a week before me. He reminds me a lot of my own father actually. He puts work ahead of everything and girls generally seem to really confuse him. Unlike my father, he seems to be the lady charmer (I will never know how my dad snagged my mom- first impressions are not his forte, though to be fair is he the most fantastic person anyone has ever met). Anyway, this guy just seems to be confused in the dating world. I'm not going to wait around for him to figure it out, but to be honest, I haven't met anyone at the moment that I want to date. 

Then again, my exams just ended, so it's time to go out and have fun! If he calls, he calls. If not, this is my summer of fun!

What being a runner means to me

It’s taking the good with the bad. It’s setting goals and pushing your body beyond what you thought was possible. It’s the glory and the defeat. It’s about filling your mind with “I will,” “I can,” and “I am.” It’s what goes through your mind between miles one and ten, and ten and twenty.

There are those rare mornings when you wake up and feel great; the weather is perfect; the scenery is beautiful, and time seems to stand still. Those are the moments I run for.  

But being a runner is about so much more. 

It’s the mornings when you wake up and it’s raining and you wince at your stiff muscles and joints; you begrudgingly pull yourself out of bed and head out the door- pushing yourself through every step of the run. In the end, you feel a sense of pride along with relief and exhaustion. 

It’s when you stand in the frigid cold before the sun has come up alongside thousands of other runners huddled together waiting for the start of a race. 

It’s those final tenths of the mile where you sprint your heart out to cross the finish line regardless of how much your lungs burn or your legs ache; and basking in the adrenaline rush of completion.   

It’s the peace you feel within yourself when you look around and realize it is just you and the miles you have run and those that lie ahead- no one else is in sight. And it's about the solidarity you feel with every runner you have ever passed on a run.

It is a sense of self and pride you can never explain to anyone. It is what connects us and what separates us. Being a runner defines me.

Happy Almost Spring

Holy moly do I have spring fever...

This past weekend I ran my first (and last) marathon in under 4 hours! I am incredibly thankful for my friends, but could not have done it without the support of my parents- in fact, they came in from Philadelphia just to watch me cross the finish line. How bout them apples? Yup, I'm a lucky girl.

That youngin' from the early 2013 is still a friend, but I have long since moved on. I found another sub 25 year old to occupy my time. Things with him actually ended last night since he wasn't over his ex girlfriend and we both knew it wasn't right from the beginning. I think that's actually why I started things with him in the first place. I have had enough of dating- I am officially sick of it. I hate being set up. After my last blind date I cried it was so bad. Yes, I called my father and cried like a child. Will it ever happen for me? Man, I hope so, but it doesn't seem worth it to put myself through whatever I am...

Back to work for now since I have a HUUUUGE stack of papers, but hopefully I can write more before 3 more months pass. :)

And so begins 2013...

I am once again procrastinating at work and have decided to write my first post for 2013. So far this year has been off to a great start! The 24-year-old surprised me and came to my NYE party just before the ball dropped. It felt like something out of a movie- made me feel very lucky.

As an aside, and a very personal one at that, I have been struggling recently with my skin. At 27 years old you would think my days of acne were behind me, but NOT so- not even close. I have always had the occasional breakouts when I don't take care of my body or get enough sleep.. and oddly enough when the weather changes (3x per year), but a course of antibiotics and a good bit of sleep usually helps. At the beginning of fall this year, and a course of antibiotics, and my skin was still not up to par. It's funny because I remember in August getting my makeup done for my friend's wedding and the makeup artist commented on how beautiful my skin was. Funny how fast things change. Anyway, around October, my dermatologist suggested I look into Claravis (Accutane). I have always worried about it because of the horrible side effects I have heard about: severely dry skin, dry eyes, horrible stiffness, mood swings, and worst of all, lasting depression. My mom is a nurse by trade and was vehemently against my going on the medication before my brain was fully developed (age 24/25). So, at 27, she was more comfortable, until...she found out the new link between Accutane and Chron's/Colitis. There is currently a big lawsuit against the company that produces the medication because so many people have developed these debilitating bowel diseases. Anyway, not deterred, I decided to try to kick acne's but once and for all.

My doctor started me on a lower dose than I would eventually end up with to prevent a flare, but unfortunately, my skin did flare up and I ended up with a not so attractive face for about 10 days out of the month. By the time I went back for my monthly checkup, my skin had cleared up. My doctor upped the dose, once again promising I should not flare. WELL, this time, it was worse. My skin is actually worse than I can ever remember it being. And this time, cover-up doesn't even work. My self confidence has definitely taken a hit. It is frustrating to know that if you think you're overweight, you can work out and eat better, but you cannot help how your skin looks...bummer!

Back to NYE- I was actually really nervous about seeing the boy. As much as I wanted to see him, I also didn't want to see him because I was afraid once he saw my face, he would no longer be interested. We had a really great night and I am glad I saw him, but I still worry that he doesn't want to see me again because of what I looked like that night.

I look forward to my skin clearing up- if this medication works, it will be worth it. I also look forward to seeing the boy again. Fingers are crossed that he calls tonight..

Boston and friends

Happy last day of 2012!

Every day for the last two weeks I have tried to think of something I am thankful for- why should this only happen around Thanksgiving?! These things have included the below.

I am thankful for...
1) ...my mom actually caring about my runs (she apparently cares when I tell her how far I ran and my average pace- or she fakes it really well)
2) ... the giggle of children. On my run the other day, I was annoyed at all of the adults taking up the whole sidewalk so I couldn't pass- until I heard two little girls giggling. :)
3) ...my health and happiness
4) ...my amazing roommate
5) ...my parents both being alive and well- and loving me no matter what
6) ...my brother's success and drive
7)...my friends... all over the country and the world.

and with that I will continue my Boston excursion.  My friend A has been a Peace Corps volunteer for the last 27 months. She finally came home for a brief visit because she extended for another year. I flew to Boston to see her as she was in between a visit to her own parents and meeting her boyfriends' parents.  I had SO much fun seeing her. As soon as I got off of the plane, I started gabbing and it was like we hadn't missed a beat. Our frequent skype conversations, letters, and packages seemed to really tide us over. Of course I had to fill her in on the last month, but c'mon, she's been gone for 2 years and all I need to tell her about is the last month?! Amazing! A hasn't dated much and knowing she has found "the guy" makes me the happiest person on earth for her. She is amazing inside and outside. Never have I met a person as stunningly beautiful as her who is even more beautiful on the inside. She never ceases to amaze me. I can't wait to meet this guy one day, and I can't wait for her to come home for good.

I also got the chance to see my uber successful friend, M. This girl worked on the Hill in DC while she went to night school for a masters in Government, and then she went on to get her MBA in Boston. Her job is a bit demanding, but she loves it. She has also found love and despite his religion differing from hers, they are the perfect match. She is a MOT just as I am (Member of the Tribe-i.e. Jewish), and we try our best to marry other Jews to perpetuate our religion. Unfortunately, you can't always choose who you will fall in love with. M found the sweetest guy who has agreed to raise their children Jewish- so hey, what more can you ask for?! I love how he balances her out and I truly feel like he is her other half. I hope 2013 brings exciting news for the two of them (hint, engagement?!).

I had the best 2012 a girl can ask for. I feel so lucky to have the friends and family in my life that I do. I wish I could spend the last night of 2012 with all of them, but I know I will see them all in 2013. I can't wait for the engagements, weddings, and babies that 2013 will bring. And of course, I can't wait to see what lies ahead for me.

Sidenote: I have settled down to feel the way a normal person would feel after meeting someone for one night. I am (hopefully) over my crazy, out of control phase, and just looking forward to meeting new people this coming year.

...cheers to 2013!

The waiting game vs. the fade away

Sometimes I wish the ball was always in my court. Why is it that guys get to be the ones to call/text and ask us girls out? (Although, I do love chivalry, so I'm not really complaining. Granted, I have done my fair share of break-ups. Ending things with someone is never easy. I'm sure being on the receiving end is even worse. Over the last few years I have really worked on trying to become a better person. I try to surround myself with people who help me achieve that. Many of my friends help me to be better by pulling me out of my lazy phases- when I just want to sit on my couch and "veg out" in front of the TV. And then, there is my cousin. She is an incredible person. She will ALWAYS be one of the best people I know. She has always been involved in non-profit work and volunteering, even during the time she was in sales after college. She is adventurous and has been all over the world. But most of all, she is a great friend, and she pushes me to want to be a better person. What's ironic is that she pushes without "pushing".

Most recently, she has encouraged me to eliminate the "fade away." For those of you who don't know, that basically means that when you have decided you are through with someone, it is important to call them and let them know. I have utilized the fade away countless times. It has actually been used on me several times- though with the exception of one person I can think of off the top of my head, most fade-aways have been quite welcomed.

Let me tell you, picking up the phone and calling someone to end a relationship is awful. Doing it in person is even worse. I actually feel worse for boys (those who are man enough to use the break up method rather than the fad away) because girls are far more emotional when they hear the news.

Anyway, because the fade away is so often used by everyone, it is impossible to know if someone is actually going to call you, or if they are using my previously relied upon method. Enter "the waiting game." Why even ask for someone's number if you're not going to use it? I don't know- but that's just what we do. Life would be so much easier if we were all honest up front. You get a number that you don't plan to use- send a text- "sorry, not really interested, but it was great meeting you." HA! As if I'll ever do that... but hey, a girl can dream, right?! Maybe one day that will be the social norm.

Clearly I haven't heard from the guy I fell in love with on Christmas Eve. Is he doing the fade away? If so, why did he make sure he had my number correct several times? If not, then why hasn't he called or texted?

As much as I love being single and find dating fun, there are days when I feel neither of these things. Today is one of them. But then of course, I get to thinking... what do married people have to entertain themselves with? Oh yea, MY stories! Life goes on.